Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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