I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We left the knife in your bed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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