Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Shame - the story of my life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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