Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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