u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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