I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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