Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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