We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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