I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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