just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
