I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
