something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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