belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
