I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
