FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
