i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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