I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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