I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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