i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
