I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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