I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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