I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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