Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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