She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
