Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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