I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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