Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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