i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
