i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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