At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
