Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
