it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
