she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
