There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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