just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
