I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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