Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It all started with a game of naked twister.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize