Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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