Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
And then he peed in my hair
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