Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
