sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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