I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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