when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
