Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
