Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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