Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
