Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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