trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
