I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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