Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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