You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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