apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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