i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
