Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All the doctor said was why
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
