He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
