Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
