If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
