I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
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Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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