can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
