my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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