my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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