i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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