if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
