I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
