You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
