you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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